Lightsabers and Padawans
by and that's all she wrote
Summary: "No. Seriously, Artemis, think about it: Kaldur as Mace Windu." A pause. "I see your point." :: Our favorite trio is enjoying a Star Wars marathon when they get to thinking. Hinted Rob/Art/Wally. Plotless fun.


"Okay, if I'm Han Solo—"

"Which you're not," Artemis said, sipping her soda.

"—that makes Dick Luke," Wally said.

"Does that mean I'm Leia?" Artemis asked, fixing him a look.

"Duh," Wally said.

"But that makes Dick my brother," Artemis said, wrinkling her nose.

"Hope incest doesn't bother you _too_ much, Artie," said boy sang, dropping the bowl of popcorn in her lap as he rejoined them. "Did I miss anything?"

"Just the Wampa knocking Luke out and dragging him back to his cave," Wally said, stuffing his face with the buttered treat.

"Watch it, Kid Mouth," Artemis muttered, pulling the bowl away from him. "Spare some for those of us without vacuums for stomachs."

Wally whined, reaching for the bowl. His attempts, though, ended in miserable failure—his hand slipped from Artemis' thigh, sending him sprawling across the both of them so he faceplanted into Dick's lap.

"Not that I entirely mind you there, Walls," Dick said, "but could you at least shift your weight a little bit? You're kinda crushing important things down there with your disproportionally huge head."

Wally grumbled something incoherent, but complied. "Artie," he said, "your legs are entirely too sinewy."

"I'm pretty sure you have absolutely no problem with my legs, based on last night."

"Got 'em." Artemis accepted Dick's high-five, eliciting more grumbles from Wally.

"Anyway," Artemis said. "If I'm Leia, Dick's Luke, and Wally is Han—"

"So you admit it!"

"—who is everyone else?"

"Red Tornado is 3PO," Dick replied readily.

"So Artoo is Sphere?" Artemis responded.

"Accurate," Wally agreed.

"So that's the Millenium Falcon crew—or would it be Millenium Bioship—"

"You forgot Chewie!" Dick exclaimed, scandalized.

A pause.

"Wolf?" Wally proposed.

"Not sentient enough," Artemis said.

"Supes? He's incoherent enough for it sometimes."

"Now that's just mean, Wally."

Said speedster shrugged and reached for more popcorn. "You got a better idea?"

"Wolf it is, then," Dick said, stealing the bowl away from Wally.

Just as Luke was facing Darth Vader in the Dagobah swamp, Artemis straightened. "Wait, what about the prequels?"

"Oh god no, those don't count—they _sucked_!" Wally exclaimed, scowling.

"The first one wasn't _that_ bad," Artemis protested.

"But the second one was just…" Wally shuddered in horror. "No. The prequels don't even _exist_ in my mind."

"We can at least assign the characters," Dick needled. "Kaldur can be Mace Windu."

"Is that just because they're both black?" Artemis asked, arching a brow.

"No. Seriously, Artemis, think about it: Kaldur as Mace Windu."

A pause. "I see your point."

"Can Billy be a far less annoying Jar Jar Binks?" Wally suddenly asked.

Artemis and Dick exchanged looks, then simultaneously broke into laughter.

Finally: "Perfect," Artemis agreed, catching her breath.

"And Black Canary can be Aayla Secura," Wally continued, popping a few kernels and sucking.

"So you are participating," Dick said, smirking.

"No, it's just that Canary is hot and Aayla is hot, so there you go."

"Uh-huh," Artemis responded, rolling her eyes. "Okay, so then… Darth Maul? Joker, maybe?"

"Nah, Maul was too silent all the time. Joker never shuts up. Probably someone more like Two-Face. Or Psimon."

"I was thinking Psimon would be Palpatine," Wally said, frowning.

"Are you kidding?" Dick asked. "Lex Luthor is _definitely_ Palpatine."

"And if he's Palpatine, then Anakin is—"

"Conner," Artemis and Dick finished together, high-fiving.

"M'gann is Padme," Artemis continued.

"And Qui-Gon?" Wally asked.

"Batman."

"But I thought Batman was Obi-Wan?" Wally asked.

"Have you ever heard of anyone training Batman?" Robin asked. "Batman being Padawan to anyone?"

"So… Batman is his own master, is what you're saying."

"Yup."

Artemis and Wally exchanged glances. "Makes sense."

"Did we miss anyone…?"

Dick put a finger to his chin.

"Roy can be Lando Calrissian," he said. "An angrier, more intimidating one, anyway."

"Which would make it more appropriate for Cheshire to be Boba rather than Jango, which settles that question from earlier," Wally said.

"Does that make my dad Jango?" Artemis asked, frowning.

"Makes sense," Dick agreed, shrugging.

"Did we get Zatanna?" Wally asked.

Artemis thought about it, then said: "She can be Mara Jade—from the novels, you know?"

"Works for me," Robin replied.

"I think that covers everyone, except…" Wally counted off on his fingers silently "…Yoda?"

All three of them froze. Then, in unison:

"_Alfred._"

* * *

"... Guys, why is there a lightsaber superimposed on this photo of Conner?"

* * *

_AN: I maintain that I am not a funny person in the least. _


End file.
